Category Archives for anxiety
The hidden downside of people pleasing
‘I don’t mind’. ‘You choose.’ ‘I’m easy’ ‘Whatever you feel like.’ The words come easily when you’re a people pleaser. The easy-going side to you. The part that doesn’t want to rock the boat, create upset or disappoint. It’s not a particularly nice or flattering description for what goes on when you chose to say […]
Read more
Stay close or stay away: the impossible dilemma for children of narcissistic parents
Part of you knows this relationship hurts. The little (or not so little) put downs, the never quite meeting expectations, the feeling guilty for the ‘shoulds’ that you didn’t do. And yet the bonds feel unbreakable. The emotional cost of cutting free feels too high: rejection, isolation, shame. Perhaps a part of you feels powerless […]
Read more
What’s wrong with me? The impact of childhood emotional neglect
Whatever heights you scale, accomplishments you make, there is an emptiness inside. There’s that lingering question, what’s wrong with me? And with it feelings of guilt or shame that it’s difficult to locate the source for. Or you feel so angry with yourself for the smallest things. Taking care of yourself, can be a struggle. […]
Read more
Why do you never feel good enough? How narcissistic parents drain self-esteem
What is it about that persistent feeling of failure, in spite of evidence to the contrary…? That presentation didn’t quite cut it. That meal you went all out to make special, was just ok, nothing more. That gift you picked out, it missed the mark. That outfit you chose, well it just wasn’t you. Pretty […]
Read more
On shame and its antidote
As the world around continues its unstable lurching from one crisis to another, with acts of violence, despair and splitting, I’ve been thinking about the role of the shame in all this. Anyone watching the Brexit debates in the UK and the fall out from the vote, or the 2016 US Presidential contest will have […]
Read more
4 reasons why you won’t speak your mind
You’re getting on the bus and the person behind you is talking loudly on their phone. It’s not just talk though. The language is foul, aggressive, abusive. You look round briefly. Inside there’s a conversation going on, do you say anything, do you keep quiet, do you look to others to intervene or […]
Read more
Will people still like me if I change?
You’re at a crossroads. One way brings greater freedom, inner peace, more fulfilment. But at a price. You may need to assert your needs, say no more often, disappoint others to be more of who you can be. The other way keeps things calm, steers away from conflict. But also at a price. By keeping […]
Read more
Is this the hardest thing you could ever do?
A man staggers out of the shop holding more than his arms can cope with. He moves towards his car and stumbles; a cascade of vegetable tumbles on to the ground and rolls away. ‘You stupid idiot’, he mutters to himself. A mother carries her screaming child out of the coffee shop. 10 minutes later […]
Read more
7 questions to ask if you can’t make time for yourself
Is this the refrain of our age? Not enough time. Too much to do. So many commitments and responsibilities. It can seem an impossible conundrum as your life moves on. You have family ties and friendships to maintain, work and or personal interests, households to run. How can it ever be possible to fit it […]
Read more
Anger troubles? 10 things you absolutely must know
Think of anger, and you probably think of it as something bad. Anger gets a bad press a lot of the time. At its worst, it can be a vehicle for aggression or violence. It can cause pain and fear in others. So it’s not surprising that you might think of it as a negative emotion. Culturally, you […]
Read more