Category Archives for "self-esteem"

How I stopped being a self-help junky

There was a time in my life when I would never ask for help. Even now, it’s not my first instinct. I’m used to sorting out my problems by myself. Call me a self-help specialist, if you will. Ironic for a therapist, I’d say. You might say it’s independence. Or some might describe it as stubbornness. At the heart, though, I think […]

The hidden downside of people pleasing

‘I don’t mind’. ‘You choose.’ ‘I’m easy’ ‘Whatever you feel like.’ The words come easily when you’re a people pleaser. The easy-going side to you. The part that doesn’t want to rock the boat, create upset or disappoint. It’s not a particularly nice or flattering description for what goes on when you chose to say […]

What’s wrong with me? The impact of childhood emotional neglect

Whatever heights you scale, accomplishments you make, there is an emptiness inside. There’s that lingering question, what’s wrong with me? And with it feelings of guilt or shame that it’s difficult to locate the source for. Or you feel so angry with yourself for the smallest things. Taking care of yourself, can be a struggle. […]

Why do you never feel good enough? How narcissistic parents drain self-esteem

What is it about that persistent feeling of failure, in spite of evidence to the contrary…? That presentation didn’t quite cut it. That meal you went all out to make special, was just ok, nothing more. That gift you picked out, it missed the mark. That outfit you chose, well it just wasn’t you. Pretty […]

I love my mum but she drives me crazy

 You know you really love your mum. She’s the person who was and maybe still is so central in your life. She brought you up; she was there for you, she tried to do her best by you. She’s been a massive influence in your life at every turn. But you have this guilty secret. […]

What to do when you don’t like yourself

Do you sometimes look at yourself and say, ‘I wish I wasn’t me’ or ‘I don’t like myself much?’ I’m not talking about your personal looks here, though that can come up too, but more who you are inside. There’s a niggling voice that says you aren’t all you could be; you haven’t achieved what […]

Feeling empty inside? Here’s what to do

As the day ends, you start to notice a gnawing inside. The busy-ness of chores, work or meetings ebbs away to be replaced by a growing sense of dread. Who are you when you’re not busy? Whether alone or with family or friends, you feel like you are going through the motions. It’s difficult to […]

Getting to know your true self

As life moves on, do you find yourself staying the same or have things evolved in your outlook, your values, your connection with the world? In his 20s, Gary was all about having a good time, discovering his limits, being part of the gang. But as he moved in to his 30s, he started to […]

4 reasons why you won’t speak your mind

    You’re getting on the bus and the person behind you is talking loudly on their phone. It’s not just talk though. The language is foul, aggressive, abusive. You look round briefly. Inside there’s a conversation going on, do you say anything, do you keep quiet, do you look to others to intervene or […]

The power of stillness: 4 questions to ask when you’re busy all the time

There’s always something to do, isn’t there? Friends to see, chores to complete, family time or work, life admin. It can sometimes feel like there is no time in life for anything other than existing. Or maybe life feels very full, in a good way, as if your running from one pleasant thing to another […]