The secret to ending underserved guilt

Guilt’s been on my mind a lot this week. How it creeps into you. Takes you by surprise. Causes constriction and doubt. Stops you in your tracks. If you grew up with emotional neglect or in a narcissistic family, you probably have a hair trigger guilt response. The slightest thing – a look, a phrase, a silence – can […]

The hidden downside of people pleasing

‘I don’t mind’. ‘You choose.’ ‘I’m easy’ ‘Whatever you feel like.’ The words come easily when you’re a people pleaser. The easy-going side to you. The part that doesn’t want to rock the boat, create upset or disappoint. It’s not a particularly nice or flattering description for what goes on when you chose to say […]

Stay close or stay away: the impossible dilemma for children of narcissistic parents

Part of you knows this relationship hurts. The little (or not so little) put downs, the never quite meeting expectations, the feeling guilty for the ‘shoulds’ that you didn’t do. And yet the bonds feel unbreakable. The emotional cost of cutting free feels too high: rejection, isolation, shame. Perhaps a part of you feels powerless […]

What’s wrong with me? The impact of childhood emotional neglect

Whatever heights you scale, accomplishments you make, there is an emptiness inside. There’s that lingering question, what’s wrong with me? And with it feelings of guilt or shame that it’s difficult to locate the source for. Or you feel so angry with yourself for the smallest things. Taking care of yourself, can be a struggle. […]

Why do you never feel good enough? How narcissistic parents drain self-esteem

What is it about that persistent feeling of failure, in spite of evidence to the contrary…? That presentation didn’t quite cut it. That meal you went all out to make special, was just ok, nothing more. That gift you picked out, it missed the mark. That outfit you chose, well it just wasn’t you. Pretty […]

A letter to the person who feels all hope is lost

As the shadows grow longer, you exhale deeply. Night is coming, and it feels both a shelter and an interminable hole. Wherever you turn in your life, the exits seem blocked, the options for freedom or choice dwindling or limited. The drum beat and drone of a persistent hopelessness play out their mournful rhythm. Life […]

Why is my relationship with mum or dad so difficult?

Does this ring a bell? You love your mum or dad, but it’s also tough being their child. Somehow, what you do never seems good enough. If you disagree or stand up to them, there’s an almighty row so you end up keeping quiet or just avoiding them for a peaceful life. Or maybe, they […]

I love my mum but she drives me crazy

 You know you really love your mum. She’s the person who was and maybe still is so central in your life. She brought you up; she was there for you, she tried to do her best by you. She’s been a massive influence in your life at every turn. But you have this guilty secret. […]

What to do when you don’t like yourself

Do you sometimes look at yourself and say, ‘I wish I wasn’t me’ or ‘I don’t like myself much?’ I’m not talking about your personal looks here, though that can come up too, but more who you are inside. There’s a niggling voice that says you aren’t all you could be; you haven’t achieved what […]

Why does mum (or dad) always criticise me?

It’s perhaps the nit picking that gets to you the most. Your place is never tidy enough. That outfit doesn’t quite suit you. The meal you cooked was a little off. The gift you chose was ok, but not quite the one. Your job is a good one, but there’s a feeling you could have […]